And because peace stopped being an option the moment it was taken from me.
As much as I hate the human species as a whole, I believe the closest people to me deserve the biggest part of the malice I’ve bottled up. The avarage person would think this sounds hypocrite, but just because someone was present doesn’t mean they did any good. At some point you just wish they weren’t there. Nobody likes to accept it but if you watch a murderer take someone’s soul in front of your eyes that doesn’t mean you are a good person just because you weren’t the one doing it. You are as bad as him for not helping. No, I wasn’t murdered, but oh the moments I wished someone would just pull the trigger at my head and finish all this. I’m still trapped in this worthless unhealthy body that was given to me. My birth was supposed to be a sign to my family. The unpredictable gender at birth and all the health problems I had as a baby and I still survived. All males in a family with no hope, then suddenly an anomaly. I was born to do a change. I survived to hate the unhated. And I am here to expose the praise hungry two-faced retards everyone keeps feeding.
As perfect as I wanted to be as a kid, I never was, and I slowly started to realize why. And as slowly I started to burn until I reached this point. Not even desperate to fix my life. Just desperate for these earth lurking creatures to get what they deserve. I was lying a lot as a kid. I don’t remember the moment I started to consciously do it but I remember the sweat, fast heartbeat, and shaky hands. I wasn’t looking for problems but it did happen for me to eat an ice cream and the realization to hit me. Or maybe not only the realization. I wasn’t a sucker for praise, I was a sucker for order and perfection. I felt like I had to die if my life wasn’t perfect from the point of birth till probably getting old. That included their opinions. A scolding, a punishment, a push or a slap, all meant it was endgame. And ironically, I had a lot of it. Still, everytime I got up and with that child innocence I thought I can reset it. I can be perfect starting from now. And now. And now. And now. And I can’t fucking it up and never realizing I wasn’t the one in the wrong. It was my family failing me. The society threw shit at me since kindergarten and they were right there to throw more. After all, your child is a failure for falling in an artesian fountain, right? Who cares about her skills in her hobbies, her high intelligence for her age, her good grades, her existence as a being. Obviously you can’t keep someone in a cage if you don’t make it gold, put a fluffy blanket and give them an iPad. So was I indeed getting praised for my goods as well. I had no friends, I was in my room all the time studying and playing, being creative, winning contest at school, joining clubs to learn more skills. A troubless innocent child. The perfect child in an ungrateful "family" full of greedy pigs. You know what they say: "When you’re not grateful of what you have, it will be taken from you". So this exact thing happened.
I was pressured into becoming more, be more, have more, but never too much. Don’t make friends, don’t play with other kids, and never ever mention the word LOVE. Yes, they hate that word and I’ll LOVE to mention it often for them in this manuscript. I was an awkward kid and even judged as weird starting from kindergarten. Other kids loved picking one me because I was the only one who liked working and eating alone. It was peaceful even with all the noise in the backrground. If I dissociated well enough it was actually pretty quiet. But with this blessing I also got some curses like my bad temperance and impulsivity which worsened with age. I once fought all the repulsive male brats in my kindergarten cause they thought it will be funny for all of them to ambush me. And I did not had it. Never did. I was fighting with everyone around me. All they had to do is leave me alone, never talk to me, and only ask nicely if they really needed something. Which obviosuly this siocety doesn’t teach their pathetic little beings to do.
I had hobbies which at that time were seen as unusual by others my age. I liked arts and craft a lot, and I was an internet addict. That resulted in me being interested in questionable subjects which now you can see a lot of larpers and posers loving and praising them. I got bullied a lot about it. I was excluded from activities, nobody wanted to pair with me, and my teacher had to change my deskmate almost every week cause I couldn’t suffer anyone and they didn’t suffered me either. During this time, primary school, home was nothing but a disaster I was ignoring. Everyone was fighting with everyone and I liked nothing but to just watch for the show and never try to stop it. It would’ve been useless cause all of them were in the wrong. They were just too idiotic to see it and I was choosing to rather put my energy into creating another mini house out of cardboard boxes. At school on the other hand, I don’t remember how, but a narcissistic female fatass befriended me. She was obsessed with showing off with anything. She had the same rules for me just like my family: never talk, love me even if I hate you, and be a weirdo somewhere else just not here. My head couldn’t think of anything besides "give what they want and there’s less stress for you" so I did till I snapped. That snap was the biggest character development and life changing, but into worse. She hated me with her guts and she threw gasoline on the fire others were burning me with.
At age 10 I first started to fantasize about murder. Not in a playful cinematic way. I would take my toys and anything that could look like blood and make them kill and torture each other. Most of the time I would record everything so I can watch it later when I couldn’t do a mess. Obviously this was all happening while I was locked alone in my room. I knew everyone else’s beliefs and rules, so I knew what it would happen if I was getting caught. I was keeping my innocent facade while letting all the accumulated wrath in my journals, hidden drawings, and I guess videos.
My first suicide attempt was later when I was 12. I tried to drown myself in the bathroom which yes, sounds very idiotic, but I was young and it happened in the desperation after a huge fight in the house I lived in, this time one I was involded in. From that day I could do nothing but to think about suicide every single day of my life. I got sent to my school’s counselor by my mother where that wrinkled fool was only interested in my parent’s divorce. I got sent out after bringing the bullying I was going through. Schools hate when they have to solve problems that actually go on. That’s when I swore on my life to never see a person with such a retarded function in society. Later when I was 13 I had my first well planned mass murder of my classroom. Guns laws are very well enforced in my country, so I had me and a knife in that plan which didn’t sound very successful, AND sadly I had to give up on it.
Every day became the same. I kept getting lower grades, I knew zero people outside my classroom, I was bullied even by beings outside of it, no male was interested in me, I was a failure and a dissapointment to everyone, I didn’t want to try to fix shit anymore, I saw no future, nothing good happening. I was having goofy moments when I’d try to drown myself, keep my breath, anything that would give me a free trial on seeing how death would feel. Even though I had a very good pain tolerence growing up, I knew death will hurt more even than the moment I got a hole under my chin, which made me think twice when it came to actually putting in practice any suicide plans.
After I finished middle school, my progenitor chose the highschool for me. I wanted to go to the art one, the one where I could do what I like not only in my free time which was slowly getting less and less. My cock sucking family on the other hand wanted the best well known highschool because "such smart kid couldn’t get caught at the idiotic one". I was a minor so legally I had no say in this. I got admited to the best one as they wanted and there started another 4 more years of pure suffering, failed attempts, and more murder plans that didn’t got put in practice.
Besides me getting my first whatever called lover which I got betrayed, used, and cheated by, another hypocrite fatass befriended me. This time was one-sided. The moment I started highschool I did my best to not interact with a single soul. It was better that way. More peaceful. I had my problems at home already, the highschool teachers started to hate me the moment they saw me, and I really didn’t needed another empty-headed clown chirping in my ear. I was down to be seen as an antisocial freak. In reality they were the grunters with shrinking brains. Still this absolute buffoon kept following me around with toxic politeness. I already had the vision and I knew one day I’ll end up knocking the prinde out of her round emptu head. She was the opposite of me. We had nothing in common, she didn’t liked anything about me, and she was just like the girl from primary school, this one with a little update because besides the excesive barking about how she was better than everyone, she was also validation seeking in me. She was getting out of her only mind everytime I’d tell her that faking not eating won’t make her skinnier and that the real result comes from gym. I guess fatties would do anything to hear some empty validation than to work the problem out... Literally.
Highschool was a mess. I still saw no future for myself, didn’t had a direction in life, had no friends, whatever called lover brought bullying over me even from other highschools, my grades were so low I thought I will not pass the year, and that’s how I ended up smoking and drinking for the first time, still on my own. It was the only times my brain would go a little numb and peaceful towards me. I had to go through the second phase with my mom’s psychological and emotional abusive ex boyfriend, I was getting threatened everyday for even wearing makeup and getting told by both of them how ugly I looked. Had more suicide attempts. Out of despare I wanted to drink bleach but I got stuck with the bottle at my mouth thinking of how bad it will burn my throat and how the feeling of not being able to breath will feel. So I didn’t do it. At this point in my life were already one year of cutting myself as well. I couldn’t take it anymore so I moved out at other family members leaving my mother and brother to deal with the bullshit they kept accepting in our lives. Smartest move, but it didn’t changed me. I still had no males interested in me, I was getting bullied by random idiots in the town, I was even harased on the street for being ugly. Shit I obviously never told anyone. In my family eyes I was still the failure child who "became as stupid as others" and which had zero reason to hate her life if she had a roof and food.
At some point I got my second whatever called lover. At first I thought he was like me only because we had the same jokes. He knew some slurs, found my unusual behavior interesting, and suddenly I thought I found my Artyom to my Nikita. That changed very fast. Actually, it changed in some days. I didn’t liked wasting time and I thought that a male really interested in me has to and will ask me to be his partner. Also he called me a creep only after some days of talkig, so almost after a week I told him I’m dumping him cause he’s gonna be another human failure in my history. He talked me out of it and told me to go out with him to see if he really likes me. The second time we went out he asked me to be his partner which internaly I had zero joy about cause it felt forced. Once I have to tell you to do something you already failed, still I accepted cause I was bored anyway and my life could end anytime so I took the yolo. Who would’ve known that this mess of a brainlet was actually a walking cock sucking conformist crybaby who is too much of a pussy to stand for his own so called lover against the more bullies he brought himself towards her. Excuses never meant anything to me but this time they felt more annoying than any time. Besides licking society’s butholes, he was also a love sacrificing piece of shit. Who cares your partner almost got in a fight with some random gypsies on a dark street on her way back home from your shitass date, when you get some failed thrown reassurence through texts that reminds you of your mama 10 years ago. He had no mind of his own, no creativity, and was scared of breaking the slightest rule or someone’s opinon, but good thing he could break loyalty just to brag to his friends that he clapped cheeks for his first time.
He was not the Artyom to my Nikita. I hated him. The whole time I couldn’t do anything but hate him from my guts. My family liked him. Of course they did if he was licking boots left and right, including theirs. Everytime I’d try to leave him my family would stress me about it. After he got his driving license and a car, I stayed only for that. I thought I could use a warm vehicle during winter and an air conditioner during summer. But everything has a price, and he would stress me everytime about how I don’t love him because I didn’t want to have sex with him, when I was at the lowest I could get. He would tell me how he hates my cuts filled thighs, how disgusting they look, and that he can’t fuck me if I look like that. So I kept doing it. He would hate me everytime I was drinking, especially blacking out from it, everytime I smoked, and was down to throw a tantrum even if I’d chat with a female online, saying "that means I’ll have less time for him".I’m an avoidant person, a quiter, and a professional hater. He was a servent of the society and an excesively affectionate retard with an anxious attachment. The moment I left him I felt nothing but pure relief. Like, wow. Finally outdid another humanoid creature in my life. Humanoid said with indulgence cause he was a fattie too. When you’re skinny you just have this absolute fucking luck of attracting the worst from these food greedy assholes.
A summary would be: never interact with society, and never interact especially with these overweight walking disasters. Let them rot in their own failed bodies and explode from all the scraps they fill their enourmous stomaches with. I was watched by my family while burning down and instead of getting some help with all the situations that were going on I got blamed for getting more and more affected. And getting told to solve my shit on my own. They watched me throw everything around my room, watched me come home crying more stressed by the retards around me than the academic perfection I wanted to reach, and never beleving me when I’d tell them that fuckass fattie was the ideal society soldier not a 4lifer. Hyprocrit of them, since they keep telling me everytime to die alone.
Because I spent 95% of my life on the internet, it is impossible to not write about it. As much as I consumed everything that stands in this category, a simple truth is that the internet is a complete bullshit created to control, destroy, and turn human into something which will make all of you wish you were classified as animals. Even an animal has more life into it and his own mind than what the human species ended up being. I used the internet as nothing but a coping mechanism. To forget about the problems in my life by filling my head with any type of content, from the worst to the best which actually brought me some joy, like the gameplays I’d watch as a kid, the hilarious vulgar animations which were making me laugh, and even the creativity back then. I always loved to see diversity and originality, to see something different. Everything vanished with time, and only because the human species itself let it happen again. I do believe and will forever stand by the idea that the internet has been created with a bad intention. Everything you find useful like the online dex, digital books, news, everything damages you without even realizing. As humans we always have put our mind to work in anything we wanted to do. We didn’t need an online dex to find a word because everyone had a phisical one. Even I do. That thick big book which I swear it has 1kg and nowadays most don’t even know it exists. We would search the word based on the first letter, second one, third one. We had libraries, we had cooking books, we had newspapers, we had tailors which now don’t even matter for most of you since you’re so used to fast fashion. One damaged cloth or pair of shoes, you throw it and buy a new one.
The internet destroyed jobs before AI started to open some of your eyes. But it didn’t open them wide enough. A movie quoted once "when you start to worry it is already too late" and I think it fits this situation. Everyone is worrying about how fast AI damaged the world but nobody is worried that none of you wouldn’t know how to survive in the wildness if you’ll ever need it. Nobody is worried that some of you wouldn’t know what to do with your lives if the power would suddenly shut down forever. Nobody is worried that the elite controlled you so well through the usage of the internet that you ended up being the same two types of people. You ended up being either a grumpy cult member obsessed with the idea of being the same person living the same slave life or an aggresive faggot obsessed with the idea of diversity to the point you drive everyone into psychosis and identity creasis which you try to normalize. And at the end of the day nobody sees how both parties are completely retarded and wrong. You only know that you have to fight each other because that’s exactly what the elite wants. Just consume your daily dosage of media, hate the other party, praise yours, and ignore the real problem which are the people we don’t see but are behind all of this.
Media created a lot of deaths as well. Suicides from internet bullying which can go to extreme like blackmailing and doxxing, stupid pranks and trends that put your life at risk, the psychopaths that created challanges like the blue wale or sites like the one which even now promotes suicide, also the brain-dead larpers promoting and spreading sites and apps that display gore and other acts of violence. Obviously crimes and suicides existed before the internet as well, so it’s not much of a shock that they also exist on the internet. Everything has to have a bad side as well or it wouldn’t have been created by a human.
AI has been a big step towards the fall of society and the perfect controlled lab rats. One now can’t even search his information which was already given to him on plate. Now everyone is one prompt away from publishing a book, create a website, generate an image or animation, even write an opinion which is not even theirs at this point. Destroyed more jobs, more creativity, and more skills. One more step towards all of you being some useless dependent vegetables. Not even celebrities with all the tons of money they have bother to create something of their own. But the difference between you and them is that in case the fall of the AI happens they have enough fat stacks to not even feel it.
Just think about it. What actual ruler have you seen to use media or the internet at all? If there’s an account it is managed by someone but never used by them. Maybe because they’re busy living the lives they don’t want us to reach. Maybe because they know the only product on the internet is the human being. Maybe because they know that all of it is bullshit sold to the society. News on TV or phone? Exactly what they want you to believe. The ads you find everywhere? Exactly the things they want to push down your throat and suffocate you with.
Do I see a fall of the internet in the fure? Not really. Depends if something else will kill everyone before it happens. It’s a tool way too powerful and useful for the elite to ever let it die, unless they will decide it’s time for the human species to end and they shut it to make everyone go feral and psychotic enough to kill themselves and others.
I see nothing useful in it. Just lost time you will never get back, and maybe this would’ve ended up in a better point if parents would’ve realized the world itself is not a safe place and giving your kid an iPad won’t keep him away from the dangers of life.
I’m not even trying to warn you at this point cause it’s too late for a change, and there’s not much you can do about it. I do it just so I can look at you after my death and laugh knowing I was right. I know that people for example went before through ww2 and during that time they thought the end of the world came, but as I look at everything taking place at the moment I’m writing this, I don’t give the human spieces, nature, and planet in general, much hope.
A first real problem which causes realistic consequences is war. I read a little bit into each war taking place at the actual moment and all of them are idiots and money hungry pigs. And of course all the consequences fall on the citizens, unless they have enough money to start a brand new life in Honolulu. May the rich continue living while the working class loses everything. Then countries not involved in wars start campaigns for the refugees when the refugees have more money than the avarege family there. Besides the war countries, the others have to indirectly suffer from it as well. Like Russia cutting off gas supplies to Europe because at the start of 2025 Ukraine refused to renew the contract with them. Nobody wins anything from war and I’m telling you, you will live long damaging consequences from the ww3 I’m seeing in the future.
Another real problem which I saw many of you hate hearing about is global warming, which is understandable with all these idiots creating damages to solve one. There are better ways to spread awareness (I hate this word) about it than stopping a man’s car on the road who was trying to reach his pregnant wife in the hospital, or by trying to damage art pieces in museums. These are the same faggots who would try to defeat homophobia by chimping out. They do nothing but to worsen the problem because the more unprofessional you make it look, the more people will get pissed at it. The person sending the message is important, the method, and obviously, if there are realistic ways one can do anything about it and if there will be real changes. In such corrupted world, no. There won’t be any good changes or steps towards a better life because of the high power. A three takes at least 10 years to reach maturity depending on species and until then they don’t produce significant oxygen. And I can promise you that you don’t have that much time left to live. Whatever you would try to do right now is useless.
A lot of protests are taking place as well. They’ve been increasing over the last decade. Would’ve been an impressive good thing if you wouldn’t be fighting against the invincible. You can even shoot everyone in the government and the elite will send other people. Nothing will change and the consequences of "miss-behaving" will still come even indirectly. Nobody will be able to escape their control and I see a future of full control. Surveillance, physical and mental imprisonment, bureaucratic and corporate power, and obviously propaganda and ideology. The main future problems which some of you won’t even realize you’re living because of how good they will put it in practice. And if you don’t believe me, you’re actually alerady living all of them, just not at full potential.
I also see a new global sickness starting. Remember the global warming? Besides the sea-level rising, there will also be extremely old bacterias released in the water from the glaciers melting. I don’t want to make it sound unrealistic so I will only say that a lot of people will die, and possible for water to become something expensive to own which the government (or future corporation) will use to keep you in leash.
All of these being said, I’m gonna destroy your last hopes and tell you straight through this pathetic screen that all of this will happen in only 5 to maximum 10 years. Once reaching 2030 you will feel the end coming because some of the problems mentioned earlier will already have taken place. Some do need a little bit more time for it to happen but for most of you it will end in 2030, and what will be left living till 2035 are going to be the unlucky motherfuckers having to choose between dying or become a government toes sucker, at extremes far ahead from what you are already going through.
There’s nothing you can do and you’re exactly where they want you to be. I won’t even wish you good luck ironically. The human species brought this on itself.
My love life has been tragically influenced by my family and my looks. Maybe by my personality as well since I often got told I’m unlikeable because I’m a creep. Not even categorized as a weirdo anymore. Just straight up creep.
As I mentioned in chapter 1, my family hates love, and I would too if I was such a miserable person like them. As a kid they would talk about it like it’s forbidden, and even hugs and holding hands was seen as a damage in someone’s life. If they did it "to keep me focused on school" they fucked up completely because not only that now I’m a neet but also I started to have out of norms beliefs as a kid. I started to believe the human being wasn’t allowed to marry outside the family and I started talking about how I will have an arranged mariage in the future with my baby cousin. I don’t feel any shame to say this because I know it wasn’t my fault. I was a kid threatened into having no social interactions with the opposite gender, and I was neglected. There were no small talks, I was alone all the time, and no one was there to tell me how life usually functions.
I used to not have hope in love before I turned 18. I had zero, even if I had 2 partners in highschool. It wasn’t because of what they did, but because I realized nobody is as perfect as me. I wanted only one partner. I wanted an Artyom to my Nikita, and to live together until death. I wanted to have my one person to hate the world with, to cause problems with, to set the world on fire with. I wanted someone just like me. Someone with the same wrath in soul, barely any morals, no hope for future, same interests, intelligent, and fearless. Someone I could become the perfect gods with. Nobody checked even 3 of these things and loyalty is very rare. Not the relationship type with the microcheating or whatever the internet is making up now. I mean full soul loyalty: if I do drugs you hide them with me, if we get in a physical fight that’s only our business, if I plan to die you’re coming with me, if the police questions you about me you saw nothing, if I murder someone you hide the body, if I fight with someone and I’m in the wrong you’re going to keep my back like I’m in the right, and I’ll do the same for you. One mistake and you become like everyone else. I’ve been alone my whole life and I do not fear being alone again. I leave as fast as I came, I dissapear, and in the worst case I will come knock you out if I hear a word about me.
After 18 I started to calculate the chances and I just started to realize that it’s impossible for the perfect partner to not exist. It’s a real big world, and if I exist the way I am, there needs to be someone out there just like me. It’s just the luck that fucks everything up. How many chances were there for me to meet my ride or die. But indeed I never lost my hope since then. Not the hope in finding them but the hope of them existing in the first place. A big difference from my family. Comparing myself to them, I would’ve had a chance at love in the future 10 times more real and powerful than everything they encountered their whole lives. Even if we would only be best friends. That connections counts more than 100 marriages. My family is full of idiots, fucking hypocritic cheating whores. They are all the garbage at the bottom of the pit then talks about how love should be something you get after you reach 30. This statement is so fucking retarded, that I will be going in details about each shit.
First of all, if I was someone else I wouldn’t have dated them either. They’re cheaters, fucking criminals (and not in a T.C.C. way), with a gypsy behavior and religious psychosis. They’re the exact people you’ll be catching in the first party from chapter 2. The truth is that I’m happy none of them found love and never will. I’m glad their relationships or marriages are going downhill, I’m glad their kids are troubled, I’m glad they never had a normal loving partner, I’m glad they spent parts of their lifes in jail, I’m glad they missed on everything. I don’t care that it makes them storm it on me. They must not see or feel a drop of love in their whole lives. And by love I mean whatever their perfect partner means . They wouldn’t be happy with my one and only, but they would be happy with theirs, and I’m glad they never found it. Not because I didn’t found mine, but because people like them deserve the worst. Not even a frined to spend a lonely evening with.
How did this affect my love life? I think it’s already pretty obvious. I didn’t got pushed to cheat, but I was isolated from having any interaction with the opposite gender. Having my first relationship has been fucking hell from all point of views. Besides the guy being a two-faced cunt, I rarely was allowed to go see him. It was so rare that the rest of my family doesn’t know even now that I had a partner before my ex. Only my mother knew and she was strict enough about it to barely let me out. Sometimes when I’d want to go out she wouldn’t let me only if I took my brother as well, also most of the time she wouldn’t let me for no reason and I’d end up fighting her. Not because she was actively trying to stop me from ever getting a partner, but because I was getting fed up with every aspect of my life getting controlled by idiots who failed their own lives.
I often got told they don’t want to see me married and having children, but also to not bitch around. Basically live a femcel life. But besides that also become a millionaire. Just like these chinese parents "Talk to me when you’re doctor". My family (not only my parents) would threaten me directly and indirectly about these things, and I got told multiple times in the face that they’re going to beat me and whatever partner up. Threats usually don’t work on me since I don’t like living anyway. Keep me at gunpoint and I’ll secretly hope you pull the trigger. Life is not worth living and I despite the human species.
As a final, I will end up dying knowing I would’ve met someone like me and live a hilarious life full of adventures, even die together if life wouldn’t have gotten better. Everything only if these retarded pigs would’ve stopped fucking around with what’s my business.